Bullying of an 8th Grader

Editor's Note: This blog and all others express opinions that do not necessarily reflect those of Phoenixville Patch. Everyone is welcome to blog on the site, within our Terms of Use. For more information, e-mail Phoenixville@patch.com.

I thought long and hard about writing this blog.  I have clients in the Phoenixville school system, including teachers and parents.  After thinking it over I realized that what I am writing about doesn't have anything to do with them specifically and when all is said and done my alliance is to my 8th grade child.

I've never had a problem with Phoenixville School District.  I have two children in their 20s that went through, one in high hchool and two in middle school.  So I have tried to figure out why one child is suffering when the other 4 did and are not. The answer was a simple one although I had overlooked it.

My oldest two children were boys. When I was in school if we were bullied (although we did not have a name for it) we simply took care of it.  Most of the time our parents were not even called and once the bully was eliminated, life went on. My 2nd boy once had a student spit on him in school.  I would never have heard of the incident had my son not get onto the other kid's bus, walk to the back and punched him.  When I was called into school I was told that my son had blood on him and my simple reply was it wasn't his blood, it was the kid he hit.  I can tell you that my son never heard from this kid again, in fact the kid that spit on him went out of his way to avoid my son. Now my son is not violent and this was the only physical incident that took place with him. My son was suspended for a few days and the bully went away.

My daughter, who is in high school, had an incident in 8th grade.  A known bully in the school was picking on a mentally challenged 8th grader.  He continually threw food at him.  My daughter "warned" him 3 times to leave the other kid alone.  But the bully, being what they are, continued.  After all, he was a boy and my daughter was a girl.  What was she going to do?  He could not have been more wrong in his assessment of the situation. The last thing he threw at this kid is unknown.  The school had video of my daughter calmly getting up from her chair, walking over to the bully, and punching him 9 times in the head.  In the end, he was crying and she returned to her seat.  She was suspended for a week for this incident.

I don't advocate violence with my children. However in both situations I felt it was warranted and I did not punish my children. I spoke with them about other ways they could have handled the situation but I know those "other ways" would not have produced the results their way of handling it did. My children were not bullies. In fact they were friends with everyone. They treated everyone the same.  I have had so many kids at my house I could not even remember them all.  They were taught to accept and respect everyone, even if there are differences, as I truly believe each and every person has something to give.

Then we come to my daughter who is in the 8th Grade.  She has been bullied since she was in 7th grade.  I am careful with my words.  I don't confuse being teased with being bullied.  She has come home with her shirt ripped, her items broken. I have been going into that school since the 7th grade in an effort to control the situation. I have never once spoken to the principal concerning the situation as I suppose he feels he is too busy and important to become involved. (There is a new principal in place now).

I have tried to help my daughter, I have put her into counseling. I have spoken to both assistant principals, the guidance counselor, the teachers. The situation did get slightly better when I was driving through Phoenixville in January, 20 degree temperatures, and saw my daughter walking down Rt. 23 with no coat in an effort to get home in the middle of the day, tears streaming down her face. It turns out a teacher insulted her in front of the bullies and she simply could not take it anymore and ran out of the school.  Now I can tell you that it took my daughter about 10 minutes to get to where I found her, another 10 minutes for myself and her to return to the school. In those 20 minutes I received not one phone call that my daughter was missing although everyone was frantically looking for her.  Imagine their surprise when I walked through the front door with her. Of course they wanted her to know that she should never have left the school and I wanted them to know that all hell was going to break loose because of this incident.  Several times I was told to calm down but by this time all bets were off that I would.

My daughter missed much of her 7th grade year because of these problems. In fact even though I was in constant contact with the school I was brought into court because of "truancy." Imagine that. We thought we had the 8th grade down.  She had been in counseling the entire summer and was ready. But so were the bullies.

The lastest incident which prompted me to write this blog happened on an 8th grade class trip to Washington D.C. that I attended as I wouldn't put my daughter through that without me. As we were sitting on the cruise and my daughter and her friends were laughing and having a good time, one of the bullies stood up, looked my daughter's friend in the face (as she is also bullied by these same group of kids) and stated "I'm going to punch you in the F***** Face". Was I stunned? No not at all. But I asked her to repeat herself and immediately went to get the school counselor. She did speak to her. Was she suspended? I doubt it. But I as well as the other girl's mother are determined not to let this go.

So why is there a difference between my 8th Grader and my other children? My 8th Grader is sensitive. She doesn't understand people being mean. She just wants to be happy and do her own thing. She is a little different. Dresses different, even talks a little differently. She will not fight. My other kids stood their ground and made it known they were not targets. My 8th grader is a target.  And then my older children looked at me and said mom she is overweight, she isn't little and thin as I had asked why she is targeted to such a degree and my other isn't, even though they tend to dress the same. And there it was. Because she is different, because she is overweight, and because she will not defend herself she is their target.

What are my choices?  Obviously going into the school is not helping. Request a meeting with the parents of these kids? I have, several times, and have been told that they may not come. File a police report? Nothing substancial enough has happened to do so.  Buy her clothes so that she "fits" in?  I did that, $2,000.00 worth. Take her out to spare her the everyday tears that she has? I may, it's definitely something I am thinking of doing.

So while this blog is not to come down on the school district, as I am well aware every school district has this problem, I am asking you, the public for your advice. I know surrounding school districts have a much worse bullying problem. But this problem is close to home for me. 

So I ask the community, parents ... What would you do if your child had this problem? Maybe together the parents and the community can come up with the solution to make this stop since the School District obviously cannot. I look forward to hearing suggestions that I have not thought of.